Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
