I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
