where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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