I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
