I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i barfeds in our rink
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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