That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
