he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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