the condom got lost in my hair
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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