why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
