Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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