One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
