Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
