I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
he fucked my hip out of place.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize