I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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