I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Randomize
