There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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