we have pet lesbian snakes
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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