I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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