I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
