Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
