I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
