Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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