your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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