kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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