Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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