I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
