STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
