stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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