so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize
