Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
My dad is sitting where you rode me
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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