My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
