We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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