I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize