4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
