how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Too much gin, very little bucket
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize