he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
