Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
