So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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