The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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