no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
