oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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