the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Randomize
