I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
