Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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