So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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