can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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