I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
