i need an iv and a liver transplant
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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