apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
