Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
