Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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