you guys were way drunker than both of me
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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