There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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