dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
