I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize