Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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