I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
