I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
