at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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