i jhust puked up my retainher.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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