in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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