Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
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