That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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