you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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