How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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