you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We have started to decorate penises.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
