well you can't waste a boner
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
