Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
