I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize