so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize