The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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