I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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