i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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