if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
