I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
