If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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