i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
