He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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