I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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