I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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