I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize