can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
