From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
