I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
