wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
