Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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