Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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