I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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