There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
