i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
